Half and Half
by DeBrabant
Summary: A picnic has results Xander could have never dreamed of... (XOVER with ? anime)
1.

Half and Half
    
    Half and Half
    
    By Danii
    
    Summary:A dialogue story and sound effects
    
    story…that's all I'm telling you.You wouldn't
    
    believe me if I did…
    
    XOVER…you'll see…answer at the VERY bottom...
    
    Distribution:Take!Put name on!Tell me where
    
    (repossess self from Cave-Danii)Just tell me where
    
    the stuff is, and I'll be fine with it.
    
    Disclaimer:I own no one.
    
    Warning:This is REALLY silly...and you might not get
    
    it if you know nothing about Anime...
    
     
    
    And now:
    
     
    
    "You know, this is really nice…"
    
     
    
    "And peaceful…"
    
     
    
    "Yeah, peaceful and nice…"
    
     
    
    THUMP
    
     
    
    "Xander!"
    
     
    
    "Sorry…"
    
     
    
    "Buffy and I were having a nice relaxing moment
    
    watching the spring!"
    
     
    
    "Then aren't you glad I saved you from it, Will?"
    
     
    
    "Xander…"
    
     
    
    "Sorry…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "Isn't this nice?"
    
     
    
    "You said that Buffy…"
    
     
    
    "Shut up, Xander!You interrupted, so I can say it
    
    again."
    
     
    
    "Whatever…"
    
     
    
    "You guys!"
    
     
    
    "What?"
    
     
    
    "What?"
    
     
    
    "Jeez, you'd think you were married instead of
    
    dating…"
    
     
    
    "Huh?"
    
     
    
    "Forget it…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "So…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "So…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "What's new in the college scene, you two?"
    
     
    
    SIGH
    
     
    
    "Not much.Classes are pretty much the same-"
    
     
    
    "Except for the lack of homicidal psych profs…"
    
     
    
    "Yeah, no Maggie-"
    
     
    
    "And all is well."
    
     
    
    "Cool."
    
     
    
    "And you, Xander?How's construction?"
    
     
    
    "Cool.Building stuff…"
    
     
    
    "How articulate, Xan…"
    
     
    
    "Why thank you, Buffy…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "So…how'd you find this place, Xander?"
    
     
    
    "Came across it during a drive.Thought it was pretty
    
    enough to share with my girl and my best bud…"
    
     
    
    KISS
    
     
    
    "That's so sweet…"
    
     
    
    HUG
    
     
    
    "Yeah, Xander.It's really nice of you.And I really
    
    like spending time with you guys.It seems like we
    
    never get together unless some ev-"
    
     
    
    "Don't jinx it, Willow…"
    
     
    
    "Oh…Sorry…"
    
     
    
    "No problem…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "Say, isn't this Tome Spring"
    
     
    
    "Yeah…"
    
     
    
    "You know, they say that a young girl fell into this
    
    little spring and drowned…"
    
     
    
    "Wow…"
    
     
    
    "That sucks…"
    
     
    
    "Yeah, and then they also say that whoever falls into
    
    the-hey, Xander, what are you doing?"
    
     
    
    "I wanna check out the pond…"
    
     
    
    "But, Xander, there's supposed to be a-"
    
     
    
    "A dock?Yeah, I think I see it under the water here.
    
     Must have been how the girl drowned…"
    
     
    
    "Xander?I don't think you should get that close. 
    
    The edge looks like it's-"
    
     
    
    "Nah, Will.I'm fine.I have my hand around this
    
    pole here and-"
    
     
    
    CRACK
    
     
    
    SPLASH
    
     
    
    "ACK!"
    
     
    
    "GAH!"
    
     
    
    THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
    
     
    
    PANT, PANT
    
     
    
    "Xander?!"
    
     
    
    "Xander!?Are you all right?"
    
     
    
    BLURP… BLURP
    
     
    
    "XANDER!Get out of the water now!"
    
     
    
    SPLASH…PANT
    
     
    
    "Xan-"
    
     
    
    "Oh Goddess…"
    
     
    
    (Wrong)
    
     
    
    "Who said that?"
    
     
    
    "It doesn't matter…look at Xander…"
    
     
    
    "What's wrong with you-GAH!!!!"
    
     
    
    "XANDER?"
    
     
    
    FLAP…SPLASH…
    
     
    
    "Gah!!!"
    
     
    
    "Oh my God!Xander, is that you?"
    
     
    
    "Of course it's me, Buffster!Who else would it be?"
    
     
    
    "XANDER!"
    
     
    
    "Gah…"
    
     
    
    "You're not helping, Willow…"
    
     
    
    "Gah…"
    
     
    
    "What's wrong with you two?Willow, why are you
    
    staring at my-GAHACK!"
    
     
    
    "Willow, stop oogling my-"
    
     
    
    "GAH!!!"
    
     
    
    "Xander, calm down…"
    
     
    
    "ACK!"
    
     
    
    "But I have-"
    
     
    
    "Xander…"
    
     
    
    "Two of them…"
    
     
    
    "XANder…"
    
     
    
    "And-ACK!"
    
     
    
    "Gah…"
    
     
    
    "I LOST IT!"
    
     
    
    "What?"
    
     
    
    "IT!"
    
     
    
    "Oh..."
    
     
    
    "NOT A FAIR TRADE!"
    
     
    
    "2 for one?"
    
     
    
    "NOT FUNNY, Buffy!"
    
     
    
    "Oh boy…"
    
     
    
    "Gah…"
    
     
    
    The End
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
    Crossover (kinda) with Ranma 1/2
    
     
    
    Danii,
    
    who is going to run and hide from the rocks that will
    
    no doubt be flung...
    
     


	2. 

Half and Half
    
    Two for One
    
    By Danii
    
    Summary:Sequel to "Half and Half", the strange piece
    
    of insanity that escaped my brain the other day.May
    
    God have mercy on my soul.(And if He doesn't, I will
    
    have a bone to pick with a certain NYAngel…;-))
    
    Disclaimer:I own no one.
    
    Distribution:If you are crazy enough to want this,
    
    take it as a pity gift.As a pity thank you gift, I'd
    
    appreciate the URL of the story…
    
    And if you didn't figure it out from the answer at the
    
    bottom of the last one, this is a crossover with Ranma
    
    ½…
    
     
    
    And now:
    
     
    
    "You're lucky you were wearing a belt today, Xan…"
    
     
    
    "Shut up…"
    
     
    
    "I mean, your pants would have been around your ankles
    
    now that you're-"
    
     
    
    "Don't say it, Wil…"
    
     
    
    "A girl…"
    
     
    
    GROWL
    
     
    
    "You didn't say I couldn't say it…"
    
     
    
    "Shut up, Buffy…"
    
     
    
    "NO need to be rude…"
    
     
    
    "I'm a girl, Buffy.There is a need.There is a
    
    positive necessity…"
    
     
    
    SIGH
    
     
    
    "What's so bad about being a girl?I mean, I've been
    
    pretty happy with it for years…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "Gah…"
    
     
    
    "What do you mean, 'gah'?"
    
     
    
    "I mean 'gah…There is nothing else that quite fits
    
    the situation.And so I repeat.'Gah'."
    
     
    
    "It's not that bad, Xander…"
    
     
    
    "Hmmmph…"
    
     
    
    "Or should I call you Alexandra?"
    
     
    
    GROWL
    
     
    
    "Sorry…"
    
     
    
    "S'kay…"
    
     
    
    "Really?"
    
     
    
    "No, but I don't want to get the reputation of being a
    
    bitch, do I?"
    
     
    
    SIGH
    
     
    
    "You know, it's not so bad for you, Xan.Sure, you're
    
    a girl.But at least you're a pretty girl…"
    
     
    
    "Ha…"
    
     
    
    "Xan…"
    
     
    
    "Ha…Ha…"
    
     
    
    "Xander?"
    
     
    
    "You think I'm pretty…you wanna kiss me…wait till I
    
    tell Tara!"
    
     
    
    "No way, Xander!Shut up!Don't you dare!"
    
     
    
    "Yup…I'll tell Tara that her girlfriend has the hots
    
    for a her recently womanified best friend!"
    
     
    
    "You wouldn't dare!"
    
     
    
    SIGH
    
     
    
    "No, I wouldn't.But stop trying to cheer me up."
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "Well, look at the bright side Xan…"
    
     
    
    "Which bright side?"
    
     
    
    "The…really important bright side…"
    
     
    
    "Which is?"
    
     
    
    "Uh…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "You know, it's not so bad…"
    
     
    
    "Ha…"
    
     
    
    "What?"
    
     
    
    "You do realize, Buffy, that me being a woman means
    
    that you can't get any-"
    
     
    
    "Any what?"
    
     
    
    "Any-"
    
     
    
    "ACK!"
    
     
    
    "Ha…"
    
     
    
    "Willow, do you think you could help me and Xander
    
    look for a cure?"
    
     
    
    "Why…OH!"
    
     
    
    "Yeah…"
    
     
    
    "Ha!"
    
     
    
    "Shut up!"
    
     
    
    "I don't have to, Mrs. Two-for-one!"
    
     
    
    "But the two can't-"
    
     
    
    "Exactly.And thus you understand the loss in the
    
    only way you can."
    
     
    
    "WILLOW!!!"
    
     
    
    "Buffy!Calm do-"
    
     
    
    "No, I can't!"
    
     
    
    "Of course she can't!I'm a woman!"
    
     
    
    "Shut up, Xander…"
    
     
    
    "But-"
    
     
    
    "QUIET!!!!"
    
     
    
    SILENCE
    
     
    
    "All right folks.We need to calm down.Relax."
    
     
    
    "Okay."
    
     
    
    "Okay."
    
     
    
    SIGH
    
     
    
    "Let's just go down to the Bronze, get some down time,
    
    and then we can start trying to figure out how to
    
    reverse Xander's little…dilemma…"
    
     
    
    "Damn straight."
    
     
    
    "Hell yeah.."
    
     
    
    "Jeez, you're worse than Anya…"
    
     
    
    "Well, have you ever-"
    
     
    
    "Don't want to know…"
    
     
    
    "He's a real-"
    
     
    
    "Please don't…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "Let's just say that all would be better with Xander
    
    as a male…"
    
     
    
    "Thank you…"
    
     
    
    "Thank you…"
    
     
    
    "What do you mean, thank-"
    
     
    
    "Let's just go…"
    
     
    
    THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
    
     
    
    CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK
    
     
    
    SQUISH, SQUISH, SQUISH, SQUISH, SQUISH
    
     
    
    THUMP
    
     
    
    "I'll go get the drinks.What do you girls-"
    
     
    
    GROWL
    
     
    
    "-People want?"
    
     
    
    "Soda, thanks…"
    
     
    
    "And you, Xan?"
    
     
    
    "Tea…"
    
     
    
    "Tea?"
    
     
    
    "It works for Giles…"
    
     
    
    "Yeah…"
    
     
    
    "And if I got anything with sugar, my nerves would
    
    probably start a fireworks show…"
    
     
    
    "Point taken…"
    
     
    
    "All right then.Be back in a minute…"
    
     
    
    SHUFFLE, SHUFFLE, "Excuse me!, SHUFFLE
    
     
    
    MUMBLE
    
     
    
    "Thank you…"
    
     
    
    SHUFFLE, SHUFFLE
    
     
    
    "Here you g-"
    
     
    
    CLANG, BASH, SPLASH
    
     
    
    "Oh Xander, your tea!I'm so…"
    
     
    
    "XANDER!!!"
    
     
    
    "Xander?"
    
     
    
    "'lp mmm…"
    
     
    
    XANDER!!!It's back, I'm sure…"
    
     
    
    "mmm…'lp mmm…"
    
     
    
    SQUEEZE
    
     
    
    "What?"
    
     
    
    "uuhf…'lp mmm…"
    
     
    
    PAUSE
    
     
    
    "Oh my God, the belt!"
    
     
    
     
    
    The End…


	3. Just One Time

Just One Time  
By Danii  
Summary: Sequel to 'Half and Half' and 'Two for One'. Xander is convinced to use his 'unique' ability to help mankind...  
Distribution: Put my name on it, put it up, and tell me where it is. All will be well.  
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing.  
Feedback: Please...  
NOTE: For those waiting for new "BOH" and "NQSITN", I'll get to them in about a week (at the most) due to a problem with my fingers. Makes typing hard. Thus I choose to continue this little bit story.  
XOVER w/ Ranma 1/2 kinda  
This is some fluff to brighten my/your day after "The Gift", or anything else...  
  
And now:  
  
"No."  
  
"But-"  
  
"I said no."  
  
"But-"  
  
SIGH  
  
"Oh, not you too, Willow..."  
  
"Well, she just knows I'm right..."  
  
"No, you're not."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Buffy! Do you have any idea what you're asking me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm asking-"  
  
"Ahem..."  
  
"We're asking for you to splash yourself with cold water and become a girl fo-"  
  
"THAT! That's it! That's why!"  
  
"That's why what?"  
  
"THAT's why I won't do it. Because you're asking me to change into a...a..."  
  
"Girl..."  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"But, Xander, it's only for an hour or so."  
  
"And hour too long for me."  
  
PAUSE  
  
"Xander, it's not like we're asking you to do this for our enjoyment. We need you. You're the only virgin-"  
  
"Ha..."  
  
"Well, you are a virgin as a girl."  
  
"And it will stay that way."  
  
"Right. Anyway, we just need you to lure the demon with your girl body so that we can find it and kill it..."  
  
"Can't you-"  
  
"No, Xander. We need you. Besides, as you've said, you're a demon magnet..."  
  
"Well, I-"  
  
"And I promise I'll make it worth your while..."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I'll-"  
  
WHISPER  
  
"That's after I turn back into a guy, right?"  
  
THWACK  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"You are such a-"  
  
"Lovely darling who is going to do as you ask?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
KISS  
  
"Aw...you two are too cute..."  
  
"Aren't we?"  
  
"Now, I've got to go get the cold water. Be back in a minute..."  
  
CLACK, CLACK, CREAK  
  
"Better get your Xander-luvin' now, Buffster..."  
  
"Xander..."  
  
"Unless Willow's been-"  
  
T H W A C K  
  
"Ah! Don't bruise the merchandise!"  
  
"I'm gonna-"  
  
CREAK, CLACK, CLACK  
  
"Ready for the water, Xander?"  
  
MOAN  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be to give up my manhood for the sake of humanity..."  
  
"For which we thank you, Xander..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah...I know you just want to oogle me, Willow..."  
  
GIGGLE, SIGH  
  
"Oh, Xander..."  
  
SPLASH  
  
"Oh God..."  
  
"You're a really pretty girl, you know..."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"I'm sure that the demon will come after you very quickly looking like that..."  
  
"Again with the thanks, plus a side of 'please don't talk about it anymore'."  
  
"Okay, Xan. I guess we can agree to that..."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And, I promise to go back to Tome Springs so we can maybe figure out a cure..."  
  
"You weren't going to before?"  
  
PAUSE  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Damm straight.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Now, let's get this done with quickly. I want to get this over with as soon as possible."  
  
TWO DAYS LATER  
  
"How could you!"  
  
"We didn't know the demon liked to-"  
  
"Well, you could have researched!"  
  
"And waited for more girls to die while we found out that-"  
  
"Don't even say it. I have blocked the event out of my mind."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No 'but's...You two owe me some serious groveling..."  
  
"With or without cookies?"  
  
"It's me. Cookies are mandatory..."  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"You still owe me-"  
  
WHISPER  
  
"Yeah...with the cookies?"  
  
"You're a genius, Buffster-"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But you still owe me for that one."  
  
"Darn."  
  
"You know, Xander, it wasn't all that bad. All you had to do was help the demon pick-"  
  
"DON'T!"  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
SIGH  
  
"Will, it was that bad. You have no idea how hard it was to find a dress in the mauve color that matched his eyes..."  
  
"And the shoes..."  
  
"Dear lord, the shoes..."  
  
"Why can't we get any normal demons here?"  
  
"Well, at least he let you go after you explained about how he shouldn't kill his outfit coordinators..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"And I still want that purse he-"  
  
"It is NOT a purse!"  
  
  
The End  



	4. Two for Two

Two for Two  
By Danii  
Summary: Part of the 'Half and Half' series. Sequel to "Half and Half", "Two for One", and "Just One Time". In this exciting g new part, the trio head back to the spring to try and discover a cure for Xander's curse.  
Disclaimer: I own no one.  
Distribution: If you want, feel free. Just put my name on it, tell me about it, and all will be well...  
XOVER with Ranma 1/2 kinda. You don't need to know Ranma to enjoy. All you need to know is that Xander turns into a girl when splashed with cold water, and back into a boy when he's hit with warm water. And that there is more then one kind of curse...  
  
And now:  
  
"Wow, it sure is peaceful here..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah...whatever Buffy..."  
  
"Xander! Don't you have any romance to you at all?"  
  
"Of course I do, light of my life and reason for my existence, oh great and beautiful diva I call Buffy..."  
  
"Xander!"  
  
"It's just...I want to get rid of this...thing, you know? It's not all that fun turning into a woman at the first touch of water, you know..."  
  
"Well, there's the spring up there, guys..."  
  
"Thank you, Willow..."  
  
"For what?"  
  
SIGH  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Come on!"  
  
"Coming, Wil..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP  
  
"This is it!"  
  
"Looks strange..."  
  
"Aren't you excited, Willow..."  
  
"It's not everyday that you get to investigate a sex-changing cursed spring..."  
  
"Yeah, Giles told us about that. He said that there's this one spot in China where there's a whole buncha springs like this one."  
  
"Wonder why only one showed up here in Sunnydale?"  
  
"I don't really care. Can we just get the sample, test the magic, and go?"  
  
"What's the rush, Xand?"  
  
GRUNT  
  
"Buffster...Wils...this thing cursed me less then a week ago. I'm not exactly all that happy with it."  
  
"Well, fine then...I'll just get the sample."  
  
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP   
  
"Hey, Xander?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you remember that tree being there the last time we were here?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"That one..."  
  
PAUSE  
  
"No, I don't. And come to think of it, there was something missing on that pond."  
  
"What?"  
  
"There was no sunken dock! Willow!"  
  
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP   
  
"Hey!"  
  
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP  
  
"Willow, be car-"  
  
"Almost got it! Just one more-"  
  
SPLASH  
  
"Willow! Willow!"  
  
"Xander, the pond is like four feet deep and Willow can swim. It's okay."  
  
"No, that isn't my spring!"  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"Well, then, it has to be another cursed spring!"  
  
PAUSE  
  
"How do you figure that?"  
  
"Because Ms. Got-higher-SAT-scores then me, Willow led us back here by following the path of magic!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
PAUSE  
  
"So, what if it is cursed? Willow is ALREADY a girl."  
  
"But-"  
  
SPLASH, GASP  
  
"Mrrrreow!"  
  
"Oh dear."  
  
"Meow meow meow meow mreow!"  
  
"Oh my god..."  
  
"Mreow!!!!"  
  
PATTER, PATTER, PATTER, PURR  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Meow..."  
  
"Look, if you are Willow-"  
  
"Meow meow meeeeow."  
  
"'Meow' four times in a row..."  
  
"Meow meow meow meow."  
  
"Now twice."  
  
"Meow meow."  
  
"Oh dear..."  
  
THUMP  
  
"Buffy! Buffy, this is not helpful. Buffy! BUFFY!"  
  
"Meow"  
  
"Yeah, Wils, I know..."  
  
"Mrrrr..."  
  
"Let's get some hot water for you, okay?"  
  
"Meow."  
  
"And I'll give myself a hernia with our friendly neighborhood Slayer..."  
  
"Meow MEOW meow..."  
  
"She is to heavy!"  
  
"I heard that!"  
  
"Aw crap..."  
"Meow meow meow, Xeow..."  
  
"Oh shush up!"  
  
The End  
  



	5. One More Time

One More Time  
Summary: The fifth in the Buffy/Ranma1/2 crossover series. Sequel to "Two for Two". This one actually has little B/X (though it is mentioned by the characters in this story and the whole series is B/X), but I think that you will find it enjoyable. I'm not giving anything away.  
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing. I don't even own the Grape soda that was the cause of this silliness...  
Distribution: Feel free to take...Just put my name on it.  
NOTE: Silly fic. Don't drink or eat anything while reading...  
  
And now:  
  
"'Snot fair..."  
  
"Damn straight..."  
  
"'Snot fair that the bloody twit picked that whelp over the two've us!"  
  
"Gotta go with you on that one..."  
  
GLUG GLUG  
  
"You want some too, Spike?"  
  
"Sure..."  
  
GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG  
  
"Damn, Spike."  
  
"Already am, mate..."  
  
"But you-"  
  
"JD soothes m'demon, it does. And besides, maybe if I get liquored up enough, it'll drown out the pain of that damned chip, and then I can kill you to feel a little better..."  
  
"In your dreams...and can I have it back?"  
  
"Sure, soldierboy..."  
  
GLUG  
  
"Thanks..."  
  
PAUSE  
  
"Well aren't we a sorry pair, mate?"  
  
GLUG  
  
"Can't disagree with you."  
  
"A right sorry coupla drunken bastards."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Dumped by the girl of our dreams-"  
  
"Did you have to bring it up?"  
  
"For someone who barely graduated high school, and now makes shelves."  
  
"Basically."  
  
GLUG  
  
GLUG GLUG  
  
"Rather pathetic."  
  
SIGH  
  
"But at least we aren't dead..."  
  
"Speak for yourself, wanker..."  
  
"Well, not 'dust in the wind' dead."  
  
"And this is better how?"  
  
PAUSE  
  
"We've got a nice view of this clearing on the hill..."   
  
"So?"  
  
"And we can probably wash off some of the booze-smell in that pond down there..."  
  
"Oh whoop-di doo..."  
  
"I'm just looking on the bright side..."  
  
"Which one, Iowa-boy?"  
  
"Which pond?"  
  
"No, which bright side. Cause all I can see right now are dark-sides."  
  
"That's cause it's night-"  
  
"I bloody well knew that-"  
  
"And..."  
  
"You don't see one either do ya, mate?"  
  
GLUG GLUG GLUG  
  
"No. But maybe in a couple minutes I will..."  
  
"Yeah. Right next to the five beautiful women who just love drunks that will immediately appear, and the flying pigs..."  
  
"Okay...not that drunk."  
  
"Me either."  
  
"But we oughta be."  
  
"Well, let's get to it..."  
  
GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG  
  
GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG  
  
PAUSE  
  
GLUG  
  
PAUSE  
  
SIGH  
  
"Heer ya gooo, Sp-"  
  
THUMP  
  
THA-THUMP, THA-THUMP, THA-THUMP SPLASH  
  
"Hey, come back with my booze!"  
  
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP  
  
"WHOA!"  
  
SPLASH  
  
SILENCE  
  
CRICKETS CHIRPING  
  
SPLASH, GASP, THWAP  
  
SPLASH, GASP  
  
"Quack?"   
  
"Quack."  
  
"Quack quack quack quack?"  
  
"Quack quack."  
  
"Quack?"  
  
"Quacky Quck..."  
  
##  
  
"What on earth is that sound?"  
  
THWAP THWAP  
  
CREAK  
  
THWAP THWAP  
  
"Anya, am I mistaken, or is that a pair of ducks that just walked into the store?"  
  
"Well, though I am unfamiliar with most of the animals-"  
  
"Anya...."  
  
"Yup, it's a pair of ducks as far as I can tell."  
  
"Then could you tell me why one of them has bleached blonde...I'll call it hair, for the lack of a better word?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Then I suppose explaining the fangs wouldn't be possible either."  
  
"No."  
  
PAUSE  
  
"Quack."  
  
PAUSE  
  
"'Quack'? QUACK quack!"  
  
CREAK, SHUFFLE  
  
"Who asked for help?"  
  
"QUACK!"  
  
"Ah, Xander, how nice of you to join us in the front room. I suppose Buffy is still...straightening up?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Quack. Quack quack quack QUACK!"  
  
"I know, I heard you Spike."  
  
"Quack quack quack?"  
  
"And you too, Riley."  
  
PAUSE  
  
WHOOSH  
  
"SPIKE!? RILEY!?"  
  
"Quack quack Quacks..."  
  
"Giles?"  
  
"I guess-"  
  
"I'll get the hot water..."  
  
The End  



End file.
